Sondie Frus thanks so much for clarifying, I misread your origional response. And your follow up got me thinking. For some years now I’ve felt-thought that parents with kids do well to leave their non-affirming churches. It’s just too high a risk: I’ve heard from too many parents of LGBTQ kids who were personally supportive of their kids, and were shocked to see how much homophobia or transphobia the kids nevertheless absorbed from their church setting. Including “soft evangelical” churches that didn’t do a lot of blatant, from the pulpit gay bashing. But with the revelation (for white people at least) of the depths of Christian Nationalism and attendant covert and overt White Supremacy, let alone racism that have found safe harbor in virtually every evangelical church space (sign: when the pastor doesn’t speak up publically to address this) …. I think that now constitutes another good reason not to continue to support these places, financially or with attendance. Always the concern I hear is “I want to be an agent of change” (by the more progressive members), but as someone who did change agency as a senior pastor in an evangelical church, I can testify: the unseen to most people dynamics of evangelical congregations (especially fear of offending bigger donors) is a very powerful force locking the church into either active support of or quiet acquiesence to some very toxic things. So for “more progressive” people in these spaces I think it’s time for some honest assesment: have you been open and vocal about your disagreements in the local church (often people are privately distsrurbed but not able/willing to face the conflict that open disagreement engenders.) And if you have been vocal, what’s the response been? Actual response not having a pastor say privately, “I agree with your concerns” as though it’s a secret now between you because he has not intention of dealing with the fierce push back he will receive if he acts in accord with his private views. Let alone pastors who are prickly and defensive when disagreement in voiced by congregants. In others, I’d suggest not staying unless there is very clear evidence that it makes any difference. I know I’ve offerreed a lot of unsolicited advice, hear, and I’m sure you have the good sense to weigh it and to take it with a grain of salt if it doesn’t apply. But we are in a deep crisis in our country, and it’s time for us all to face difficult choices.
